By: Tri Duong
Any parent that finds out their child is abusing drugs will feel a deep sense of hopelessness when the situation does not improve. In the back of their minds, the worst-case scenario would be played over and over again, leaving them to drown in sorrow. Whether you are a single parent, stepparent or foster parent, the emotions for our love ones are not any different. Due to the subtle change in family relationships, parents may find it hard to adapt to this experience.
Here are 5 ways that you as a parent can respond…
1. Contact a professional (For you)
When an active user is still living within the same resident, it is difficult as a parent to witness the change in behavior. According to the Addiction Center,
“Conflicts become normal” and “trust begins to erode”.
Under the same roof, this continuous environment would be exhausting to your mental energy. Get a professional that you can talk to because a change in atmosphere would help establish a safe haven — where you will be opened to share. It may seem simple, but the weight you carry should be known to someone that can help.
“I want you to know that you are not alone — even if that’s how it feels to you.” — Start Your Recovery
2. Talk to a person that has recovered
When our child is constantly resulting to drugs as way to fulfill escapism, the only possible scenario that crosses our mind may appear invisible. Reason being is because there is a lack of perspective. When you only witness your child be dragged deeper into the hole of addiction, it can be tough to see beyond the dark grueling scope.
What would help is talking to someone that have chosen the path of sobriety and successfully undergone recovery. Being able to hear their point of view, may give you more of a positive outlook rather than being stuck with a single viewed mindset.
To see a positive path for your child, you must know what it looks like first.
3. Take a step back and revaluate the role for yourself — Being a parent is a moral obligation, but being a care taker is a job
As any parent would, it is understandable that any method or solution is attempted to aid your child. Over time, plans may have to be cancelled and caring for the substance abuser turns into a never-ending job. In a study of Substance Abuse Treatment and Family Therapy, it was found that the parent may act as the
“Superhero” which they become “too focused on ensuring their comfort.”
Since you have done everything you can, it is equally important to know you need to live as well. It may seem contradictory, but taking a step back is critical to your wellbeing.
You can only push your child so far into treatment, they must be one that decide whether or not to pull away from the darkness.
4.Expand compassion toward others
Around where you are, there are countless other families that may be in your shoes as well. Although your child is the main focus, it would be helpful if other members of the community can share their experience and come up with ways to improve the situation.
Millie Mitchell, a local community member in Fort Collins, Colorado, started up a project called The Aluminum Alchemist. The project called for the collection of aluminum cans, which are donated by members of the community in Northern Colorado. The cans are turned into a recycling center for money, which is donated to rehabilitation centers.
In the case of Mitchell, she started this project because her son was suffering from an opioid addiction.
“Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.” Dalai Lama XIV — Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation
5. Practice Mindfulness
People may call this “woo woo” or beyond practical, but to understand ourselves as a living being and be able to grow spiritually — it calls for meditation. According to Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, Meditation allows us to feel that inner peace and detachment from thoughts. Thoughts that create the reality, which are reinforced by stories.
“We’re good at not being there. Being present helps us learn to cope with reality as it actually is — not how we perceive it.”
As a parent, your thoughts might have gone too negative in sense after seeing a loved one be engulfed by a behavior that is unlike themselves. Your perception of reality is only a mere illusion, by thinking of negative stories…you are practicing the concept of escapism.
(The only difference between you and the child is that they decided to escape by using something physical)
Meditation quiets the mind, which allows you look into the present moment. The present moment has no positive or negative, it is just an acceptance of being.
You must stop the cycle of escaping for yourself before helping your child who is struggling with escapism.
